Oh my god! I love the background for your storybook! It sets the tone of the site from the get go! The only thing you might think about changing would be the color of the background for the text. It might be cool to make the background black and make the text white or cream colored. Just an idea, to further the vampire feel!
I love the way you wrote your preface. It sets up the coming stories in a very interesting and unique way. The only danger I see from this is that you added a bunch of unnecessary commas. The extra commas kind of chop up the sentences in odd places, so you might double check some them. There were a few sentences that I had to reread because the commas made it read weird.
The idea of the different levels of humans was really cool, especially if that is what each of your stories are going to explain. I would just be careful of chopping up the sentences too much. You might use colons or semicolons mixed in!
Love the pictures you used on both the cover page and the intro page. I think it really shows your creativity!
I have to admit, your title having to do with vampires influenced me on choosing your storybook to look at as my free choice! I really like fantasy novels, movies, TV shows, etc. and any of them having to do with vampires is even better. Any who, the cover page of your storybook is beautiful! The dark colors with red definitely makes me think of vampires. Also, the image of the word "Vampires" really jumps out at you and I like that. The font of it makes me think of older times when some believed they originated. The clouds and dark trees to the left gives it a more mysterious feel, too.
Your introduction truly made me interested in reading the stories that will go a long with it. When I read it, I could see it being turned into a novel of some sorts! Besides that there were a few small things that caught my attention: as Michaela mentioned, I think you may have too many commas in certain places that may need to be taken out to make the sentences flow better. Also, in the sixth sentence when talking about Wolf Girl, I believe saying "Meet the Wolf Girl," again might be a little repetitive.
Other than that, I enjoyed the fact that after you wrote "Step inside if you dare.." I imagined it was like a TV show intro where the reader is kind of walking into a castle and seeing all of the different characters.
Anyways, I look forward to reading more. I think your storybook will turn out great!
Great job! The parallel structure of your story made it interesting and compelling to read. I was engaged the entire time and still want to know more! Your writing style was wonderful and a good fit for your storybook so far.
I appreciate the way you developed and organized your story as well. Sometimes it can be difficult to read a story on a computer screen, but the way you spaced out your sentences made for an easy read. Thank you!
The design of your blog is also fantastic. It pulled me into your story and really set the atmosphere for what you wrote about. The picture you chose was a good choice. It fit my imagination of what you were describing and is what I always think of when I read or hear the word 'vampire'.
Again, great job overall. I can't wait to read more of your storybook in the future!
Hi Lore! First off, I have to say… GREAT job on the placement of the picture on the introduction page. At first, I scrolled down wondering why there was a huge gap at the bottom of the page. Then I realized that it was actually a picture! It kind of startled me, in a good way. I like how it’s dark where you can’t tell what you’re looking at early on until your mind connects the dots and it’s actually a vampire there. The black background with the red font really emphasized the vampire-y feel and reminded me of blood. The font at the top of the page works really well with the story as well.
I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your introduction! The transitions between paragraphs were smooth. I really liked the part where it says “these are their stories” because it reminded me of Law and Order: SVU. I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook because young adult/vampire stories were my favorite growing up.
This was a really interesting way to set up your storybook. Aesthetically it perfectly went along with the theme of bloodsucking vampires. It has a very dark and eerie feel to it. I found it interesting that you gave summarizations of the stories that you will be retelling. I’m most interested in the one where the vampire falls in love with the human. Although it sounds very Twilight-esque I hope this will turn into a bit more gruesome tale!
Did you have a designated storyteller in mind for you storybook? Is this introduction written from a third party who the reader will meet later on, or is it a general overview of what is to come with no storyteller? I feel like you could go either way with how you wrote this.
Overall you did a good job! I’ll definitely have to come back and check out your stories as the semester progresses!
Initially, I really appreciated all the effort you put into the layout and design of your Storybook. That effort alone made me think you were going to provide something good to read. The image that you used on the home page works really well, however, I think it is slightly too large. Having to scroll down to see it all kind of takes away from its coolness. Your actual introduction did a great job of playing up the creep factor and hooking the reader. It made me extremely curious as to which stories you were going to tell us and how they would play out. Reading it brought up the image of someone standing outside of a haunted house, trying to entice them to enter. The image at the bottom of the introduction page worked better than any of the other images that I have seen, and I think that is because the black of the image and the black of the background mesh so well that you can’t tell they are together. I can’t wait to see what else you are going to do.
Hi Lore! First of all, let me just say what a great background you picked. Then the images look really good for the story. The background instantly sets the mood for a vampire story. I like the layout, fonts, and the colors of your site as everything is easily visible. On the coverpage, maybe adding some texts will enable the reader to be even more interested (I am interested anyway :))
The Introduction is beautifully written and it nicely sets up the stories that you are going to write. One thing I will say is maybe spacing out a little more when you are introducing the different girls as that will let the readers differentiate more easily. I like how it is now, but I think doing that will create a pause before you introduce the next girl.
Overall, I love your theme and your storybook. I can't wait to read the actual stories as you kept the readers intrigued through the questions :)
Hi Lore! I chose your story as the free choice this week. I was intrigued by the Vampire theme. I hate to admit it, but I too love vampires. After reading your author's note I found it interesting and wonder if there is also a parallel with the Russian myths you spoke of and the books called the Vampire Academy. I loved that series of books. All that aside, I really like your story. You used many visual words to describe the pointy fangs and sweet smelling blood, the types of things I would find in my favorite vampire stories. I look forward to reading more, I love how you posed questions to let the reader get excited about what is going to happen next. The background and the font do an excellent job of setting the mood for the dark side. The picture of the vampire prince really creeps me out. Well done
Your writing is so descriptive. I love how you paint such vivid images of the world you created while providing so many details for your storybook. Yours is honestly one of the best introductions in this class. The only thing I’m confused about in your introduction is what you’re referring to when you keep saying, “step inside.” A lexicon is a wordbook or dictionary so I don’t see how you can step inside it. It might work better to have that line as a “turn the next page to find out…” to make it seem like the book and the narrator is enticing the reader to keep reading!
I was very intrigued by your first story. Is there a reason why Lissa hates vampires so much? I hope that is maybe expanded on in the next story. I loved how you had such a unique way for her to become a vampire. Great story and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Lore! I am back to read your actual story as I couldn't wait after reading your introduction. First, let me just say the coverpage looks so awesome now. I am glad you added some texts as I think it will hook the reader in even more.
Now to the actual story. The image goes very nicely with the description of the prince. Very well done on the story as it provided excellent tone and settings through the dialogues. Excellent use of dialogues by the way. Also, good job on describing the two characters and the surroundings. It really made it feel like I am there in the story. I didn't find any errors so I great job on that. But I am a little curious as to how vampires caused Lissa to live as a pauper. I guess I will wait to find out :)
You did an excellent job on the author's note as well. You kept us guessing and intrigued about what the future will hold. I cannot wait to read the other stories.
I was really excited to see that you added more pages to your Storybook since the last time that I had looked at it. I really like that you’re staying consistent with your photos and choosing only black and white. It blends so well with your background and kind of gives the whole project a haunting vibe. You did a great job on the story of the Vampire Prince. I was pulled in immediately and it ended sooner than I wanted it to. When the very first lines mention that both of the brothers had found their princesses and that there was a problem, I almost immediately thought that the brothers had found the same woman. I was wrong, but you did a great job of foreshadowing. The part with the ring really stuck out to me. I had never heard anything like that, so it provided an interesting new twist! The line that really caught me was “I found my diamond in the rough.” I found that line to be particularly clever.
Hi Lauren, I love vampires and fantasy creatures so your storybook is definitely right up my alley. Your title is simple yet tells us exactly what your topic is. I really like the elegance of your header and the mysterious look of your background. It very much reminds me of the appeal of vampires. I also really like the picture you chose for your cover page; it is almost like the vampire holding is hand out so he can guide the reader through these stories and it goes hand-in-hand with the text. When I read the first sentence of your preface, it really sucked me in. I also thought it was clever how you basically told a summary of your characters by introducing them. I also like how you chose to make some text white which really breaks up the red text. My only wish is that it was longer because the topic coupled with your writing, you truly have a lot to offer. Again, the picture you provided added to the mysterious appeal of vampires. Good job.
Hello again, Lore! I finally got to read the stories in The Vampire Lexicon! "The Vampire Prince" was, of course, awesome. Writing it in first person made Adrian's emotions and thought much more intimate. I was torn when Lissa told Adrian she could never love a monster. Noo! I really hope that they both made it in the end. As for grammar, spelling, and everything. I couldn't find any mistakes. I love the picture you chose at the end of this story. It paints a vivid picture of Lissa burning in the sun. "The Wolf Girl" surprised me because Adrian was alive (yay!). But Lissa didn't make it (no!). However, I'm curious as to how Lupita manages to live up to being Adrian's first ladylove in future stories. As for the questions in your author's note: I really like Adrian's character! He has that human-like aspect of him, even though he is a vampire. You'd expect him to be bloodthirsty, but he's not. He's just like one of us and that makes it easier to connect to him. I'm kind of sad Lissa died though. You should definitely add a story about Lissa if you can! I would like to see what she thought of Adrian before she died. Your stories are great. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the next one!
When I was reading your story I definitely got a Phantom of the Opera vibe from Adrian. I’m a little confused by the werewolf stuff but I’m suspecting that will get fleshed out in your future stories. Does Lupita change into a wolf? Because that was never really mentioned and when Adrian slit her wrists was he changing her into a vampire? But speaking of Lupita, I see what you did there with her name meaning moon. I really like that your stories use so much dialogue, this really helps you get a feel for what they are like. One thing that I might add is a little more description of how they are talking. For example, I kind of picture Adrian as being very charismatic and passionate so maybe just add some descriptions that would help convey his personality in his reactions to Lupita. GREAT JOB though and I look forward to your next story!!
The more I read of your Storybook, the more I like. You use so much dialogue that it is easy to read through quickly. By the end of the story, I ended up thinking that I had just started reading, it can’t be over already. There was something a little odd about Adrian taking in Lupita because of how similar she looks to Lissa. But it was odd in a good way. It’s hard to explain, but it made for a very interesting story. I was a little confused by a couple things. The first one was why the humans were referred to as wolves. It was an interesting note in the story, but I wanted to be able to understand the reasoning some more. I'm assuming that Lupita's name is a hint at the wolf thing? The second thing that confused me was the line, “his eyes glittered like the water that dripped along the walls.” Why was water dripping along the walls? Maybe I missed something there. Even with this though, your story was great. I’m really excited to read more of your Storybook and see how you will end it.
Hi Lore! I read your introduction and the first story already. This week, I came back to read your second story because your storybook seemed very interesting when I first read it. I am happy I came back to read your second story.
Great job on the details. It seemed like I was watching a movie as I was picturing what you wrote. I am a little sad to see Lissa go, but happy you added Lupita. I really like how you carried on from right where you left off in the first story. That was reflected by the scar on the prince, which was a great attention to detail. That detail really feel like it was the second part of the storybook. I did see few missing commas here and there, but I'm sure if you look over it one more time, you will fix them. Again, great job on the story! I will come back later to read the third whenever you add it.
I remembered visiting your storybook earlier in the semester. It was probably one of the first ones I think I visited. Your storybook was one that stood out to me even to this point because it was so unique. When I last checked in I am pretty sure you only had your introduction. What captivated me was the story of the vampire-human love affair. So that was the story I most looked forward when I returned! I really enjoyed your Vampire Prince story. It takes a twist on the classic forbidden love story. Adrian should have known what he was getting himself into when she told him that she hated vampires! More often than not, people are selfish in their actions and do what they want. Even though Adrian thought he was providing a wonderful life for them he disregarded her opinion. Great job! I can’t wait to see what else you come up with!
Hi Lore, Right off of the bat, your story (the Stolen Girl) was going to be dark. Not only in tone, but in the scene. Or at least that is the vibe that I got from it before I even found out that she was in a cage. I like the details about her fingers and her trying to pull out the nail. It’s kind of gross, but in a good way. It really helps build the scene without making everything vague. I think there was a typo. In the sentence “it made for a decent sized stale,” I think you meant stake. I really liked how you tied your stories together. It was also a really great plot twist to have Dia become a vampire. I was a little confused if the guard had tried to kill the other girl or not. But everything worked out awesomely! I hope this isn’t the last of your Storybook. I want to read more!
I’m back again to read your latest story. I’ve just become so fascinated with your storybook. I love the idea that vampires rule the world, because in so many other retellings they are hidden away from society. I like that here vampires have their own royalty and are thriving! I really like your new character Dia. She’s probably my favorite because she has quite a bit of fight in her! Most other stolen girls probably just accept the fate of their inevitable deaths, but not this girl.
I’m really curious about your next story because I have no idea how this all going to be wrapped up. You are a really great storyteller and I’m excited to read the conclusion. Also, I love how your Author’s Notes are so interactive with the reader. I haven’t seen anyone else do their Author’s Notes like this and I think it’s really cool.
Hey, again Lauren! As you can see, I’m trying to get as much of my commenting and stuff out of the way, haha. Here are my thoughts as I read “The Vampire Prince.”
• Ooo, what a great picture. Hello, cheekbones. • “I’ve only seen her through the window” – creeper! • “just a coward” Aw, sweetie. (I can’t believe you have me wrapped up in this character already. • Why is he using the vines? Why not just use the door like a normal person-slash-vampire? Oh, yeah. Prince. • Yeah, being rich sucks. I’d hate that, too. • “pauper princess” – alliterations are the way to my heart, to be honest. • He has horrible self-control if his fangs are going to slide out just from smelling her, goodness. But I guess since he’s 16, we can just handwave it. • Goodness, this guy is a mess! • That ending!
Wonderful work. I love how the red text on the black background adds an extra layer to everything.
Hi Lore! I came back to your storybook as one of my extra credit choice as I really liked your first two stories. I was happy that you added a third story as the first two were really intriguing.
This story was really great as well. I like how you provided more details in this story. The way it was told made it seem like this was the best one out of the three. This was also due to the fact that there were different settings in the story. Dia had to do so many things to stay alive, but in the end she becomes a vampire. I didn't see that coming. I thought you did a great job in finishing this storybook. You tied up all the ends, and finished really nicely. All three stories flowed really nicely and you tied them up very beautifully. Again, great job! I don't know why, but my favorite is Lissa for some reason :)
Hi Lore. You are one of my appreciation posts for the week! You always leave very detailed comments on my posts and I appreciate that you put in that effort. The most important role of feedback is detailed criticism so that you can improve your writing. So thank you!
I also enjoy reading your stories. reading others work is one of the best ways to improve your own writing. Thanks for putting good stuff out there.
I was assigned your storybook this week and I immediately was excited about this project. Your layout is awesome!! When I think about vampires I immediately think about red and black sometimes even purple. It was great to see the red and the black as part of your layout. I think this really does a good job of setting the tone.
Today, I looked over your introduction/preface. Your introduction looks great and it is very enticing. It made me want to continue to read and find out what these stories were really about. I think this is the first time that I have come across an actual "preface". I really enjoyed the preface because it did some explaining about the characters and who they were and what they were like. I think this is really great because it gives the reader guidance. Your stories also look very interesting and I have now made note of this project and hopefully I can come back and visit and see how you chose to end it. Great project!
Okay so I read your story about the Vampire Prince and loved it! Your background being all black was amazing and the letters being all red set the tone. Here is the one bit I would suggest about it.
You have a picture at the beginning and a picture in end. There is nothing in between though. I think if you added some more pictures it would give the story that finishing touch. I am an extremely visual person so images help me alot. They help me picture what is going on within the story so I can better understand situations. Without visuals, stories are not fun for me.
Great story though! That is all I have to say! Keep working hard and keep your writing style! If I didn't say anything about something its because it was really good! Until next time, keep writing! You are doing great in this class!
This really might be the best story book I have read all semester! You did such an amazing job at writing these stories, the dialogue was always perfect and spot on. I also really loved your choice for the topic. I was always really fascinated with ghosts and monsters as a kid and vampires were by far my favorite to read about. They were just so cool to me! Anyways, I also enjoyed the layout of the story itself. The pictures were really good and the layout of the story book made it feel much darker and like I was actually about to read a scary story. I also enjoyed the fact that the writing was red like blood. I can tell you put a lot of thought in to this story book and it shows just from reading the very first story. Even your author’s note for the first story was interesting to read!
Hey Lore, So ever since Twilight came out when I was in middle school I think, I unfortunately have been interested in vampires and all those other creatures as I’m sure that many other people are. So with that being said it was really fun to read your story about them and kind of give a new spin to the take on vampires and humans and their relationships. Your stories were very easy to read and it made me really want to keep reading them. I also really enjoyed the layout and background/color scheme of your storybook. I think that visually it really adds to the overall theme of your stories.
Oh my god! I love the background for your storybook! It sets the tone of the site from the get go! The only thing you might think about changing would be the color of the background for the text. It might be cool to make the background black and make the text white or cream colored. Just an idea, to further the vampire feel!
ReplyDeleteI love the way you wrote your preface. It sets up the coming stories in a very interesting and unique way. The only danger I see from this is that you added a bunch of unnecessary commas. The extra commas kind of chop up the sentences in odd places, so you might double check some them. There were a few sentences that I had to reread because the commas made it read weird.
The idea of the different levels of humans was really cool, especially if that is what each of your stories are going to explain. I would just be careful of chopping up the sentences too much. You might use colons or semicolons mixed in!
Love the pictures you used on both the cover page and the intro page. I think it really shows your creativity!
Hi Lore!
ReplyDeleteI have to admit, your title having to do with vampires influenced me on choosing your storybook to look at as my free choice! I really like fantasy novels, movies, TV shows, etc. and any of them having to do with vampires is even better. Any who, the cover page of your storybook is beautiful! The dark colors with red definitely makes me think of vampires. Also, the image of the word "Vampires" really jumps out at you and I like that. The font of it makes me think of older times when some believed they originated. The clouds and dark trees to the left gives it a more mysterious feel, too.
Your introduction truly made me interested in reading the stories that will go a long with it. When I read it, I could see it being turned into a novel of some sorts! Besides that there were a few small things that caught my attention: as Michaela mentioned, I think you may have too many commas in certain places that may need to be taken out to make the sentences flow better. Also, in the sixth sentence when talking about Wolf Girl, I believe saying "Meet the Wolf Girl," again might be a little repetitive.
Other than that, I enjoyed the fact that after you wrote "Step inside if you dare.." I imagined it was like a TV show intro where the reader is kind of walking into a castle and seeing all of the different characters.
Anyways, I look forward to reading more. I think your storybook will turn out great!
Hi, Lore!
ReplyDeleteGreat job!
The parallel structure of your story made it interesting and compelling to read. I was engaged the entire time and still want to know more! Your writing style was wonderful and a good fit for your storybook so far.
I appreciate the way you developed and organized your story as well. Sometimes it can be difficult to read a story on a computer screen, but the way you spaced out your sentences made for an easy read. Thank you!
The design of your blog is also fantastic. It pulled me into your story and really set the atmosphere for what you wrote about.
The picture you chose was a good choice. It fit my imagination of what you were describing and is what I always think of when I read or hear the word 'vampire'.
Again, great job overall. I can't wait to read more of your storybook in the future!
Hi Lore! First off, I have to say… GREAT job on the placement of the picture on the introduction page. At first, I scrolled down wondering why there was a huge gap at the bottom of the page. Then I realized that it was actually a picture! It kind of startled me, in a good way. I like how it’s dark where you can’t tell what you’re looking at early on until your mind connects the dots and it’s actually a vampire there. The black background with the red font really emphasized the vampire-y feel and reminded me of blood. The font at the top of the page works really well with the story as well.
ReplyDeleteI have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your introduction! The transitions between paragraphs were smooth. I really liked the part where it says “these are their stories” because it reminded me of Law and Order: SVU. I cannot wait to read the rest of your storybook because young adult/vampire stories were my favorite growing up.
This was a really interesting way to set up your storybook. Aesthetically it perfectly went along with the theme of bloodsucking vampires. It has a very dark and eerie feel to it. I found it interesting that you gave summarizations of the stories that you will be retelling. I’m most interested in the one where the vampire falls in love with the human. Although it sounds very Twilight-esque I hope this will turn into a bit more gruesome tale!
ReplyDeleteDid you have a designated storyteller in mind for you storybook? Is this introduction written from a third party who the reader will meet later on, or is it a general overview of what is to come with no storyteller? I feel like you could go either way with how you wrote this.
Overall you did a good job! I’ll definitely have to come back and check out your stories as the semester progresses!
Initially, I really appreciated all the effort you put into the layout and design of your Storybook. That effort alone made me think you were going to provide something good to read. The image that you used on the home page works really well, however, I think it is slightly too large. Having to scroll down to see it all kind of takes away from its coolness. Your actual introduction did a great job of playing up the creep factor and hooking the reader. It made me extremely curious as to which stories you were going to tell us and how they would play out. Reading it brought up the image of someone standing outside of a haunted house, trying to entice them to enter. The image at the bottom of the introduction page worked better than any of the other images that I have seen, and I think that is because the black of the image and the black of the background mesh so well that you can’t tell they are together. I can’t wait to see what else you are going to do.
ReplyDeleteHi Lore! First of all, let me just say what a great background you picked. Then the images look really good for the story. The background instantly sets the mood for a vampire story. I like the layout, fonts, and the colors of your site as everything is easily visible. On the coverpage, maybe adding some texts will enable the reader to be even more interested (I am interested anyway :))
ReplyDeleteThe Introduction is beautifully written and it nicely sets up the stories that you are going to write. One thing I will say is maybe spacing out a little more when you are introducing the different girls as that will let the readers differentiate more easily. I like how it is now, but I think doing that will create a pause before you introduce the next girl.
Overall, I love your theme and your storybook. I can't wait to read the actual stories as you kept the readers intrigued through the questions :)
Hi Lore!
ReplyDeleteI chose your story as the free choice this week. I was intrigued by the Vampire theme. I hate to admit it, but I too love vampires. After reading your author's note I found it interesting and wonder if there is also a parallel with the Russian myths you spoke of and the books called the Vampire Academy. I loved that series of books. All that aside, I really like your story. You used many visual words to describe the pointy fangs and sweet smelling blood, the types of things I would find in my favorite vampire stories. I look forward to reading more, I love how you posed questions to let the reader get excited about what is going to happen next. The background and the font do an excellent job of setting the mood for the dark side. The picture of the vampire prince really creeps me out. Well done
Hi Lore!
ReplyDeleteYour writing is so descriptive. I love how you paint such vivid images of the world you created while providing so many details for your storybook. Yours is honestly one of the best introductions in this class. The only thing I’m confused about in your introduction is what you’re referring to when you keep saying, “step inside.” A lexicon is a wordbook or dictionary so I don’t see how you can step inside it. It might work better to have that line as a “turn the next page to find out…” to make it seem like the book and the narrator is enticing the reader to keep reading!
I was very intrigued by your first story. Is there a reason why Lissa hates vampires so much? I hope that is maybe expanded on in the next story. I loved how you had such a unique way for her to become a vampire. Great story and I look forward to reading more!
Hi Lore! I am back to read your actual story as I couldn't wait after reading your introduction. First, let me just say the coverpage looks so awesome now. I am glad you added some texts as I think it will hook the reader in even more.
ReplyDeleteNow to the actual story. The image goes very nicely with the description of the prince. Very well done on the story as it provided excellent tone and settings through the dialogues. Excellent use of dialogues by the way. Also, good job on describing the two characters and the surroundings. It really made it feel like I am there in the story. I didn't find any errors so I great job on that. But I am a little curious as to how vampires caused Lissa to live as a pauper. I guess I will wait to find out :)
You did an excellent job on the author's note as well. You kept us guessing and intrigued about what the future will hold. I cannot wait to read the other stories.
I was really excited to see that you added more pages to your Storybook since the last time that I had looked at it. I really like that you’re staying consistent with your photos and choosing only black and white. It blends so well with your background and kind of gives the whole project a haunting vibe. You did a great job on the story of the Vampire Prince. I was pulled in immediately and it ended sooner than I wanted it to. When the very first lines mention that both of the brothers had found their princesses and that there was a problem, I almost immediately thought that the brothers had found the same woman. I was wrong, but you did a great job of foreshadowing. The part with the ring really stuck out to me. I had never heard anything like that, so it provided an interesting new twist! The line that really caught me was “I found my diamond in the rough.” I found that line to be particularly clever.
ReplyDeleteHi Lauren,
ReplyDeleteI love vampires and fantasy creatures so your storybook is definitely right up my alley. Your title is simple yet tells us exactly what your topic is. I really like the elegance of your header and the mysterious look of your background. It very much reminds me of the appeal of vampires. I also really like the picture you chose for your cover page; it is almost like the vampire holding is hand out so he can guide the reader through these stories and it goes hand-in-hand with the text. When I read the first sentence of your preface, it really sucked me in. I also thought it was clever how you basically told a summary of your characters by introducing them. I also like how you chose to make some text white which really breaks up the red text. My only wish is that it was longer because the topic coupled with your writing, you truly have a lot to offer. Again, the picture you provided added to the mysterious appeal of vampires. Good job.
Hello again, Lore! I finally got to read the stories in The Vampire Lexicon! "The Vampire Prince" was, of course, awesome. Writing it in first person made Adrian's emotions and thought much more intimate. I was torn when Lissa told Adrian she could never love a monster. Noo! I really hope that they both made it in the end. As for grammar, spelling, and everything. I couldn't find any mistakes. I love the picture you chose at the end of this story. It paints a vivid picture of Lissa burning in the sun.
ReplyDelete"The Wolf Girl" surprised me because Adrian was alive (yay!). But Lissa didn't make it (no!). However, I'm curious as to how Lupita manages to live up to being Adrian's first ladylove in future stories. As for the questions in your author's note: I really like Adrian's character! He has that human-like aspect of him, even though he is a vampire. You'd expect him to be bloodthirsty, but he's not. He's just like one of us and that makes it easier to connect to him. I'm kind of sad Lissa died though. You should definitely add a story about Lissa if you can! I would like to see what she thought of Adrian before she died. Your stories are great. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting for the next one!
Hi Lore!
ReplyDeleteWhen I was reading your story I definitely got a Phantom of the Opera vibe from Adrian. I’m a little confused by the werewolf stuff but I’m suspecting that will get fleshed out in your future stories. Does Lupita change into a wolf? Because that was never really mentioned and when Adrian slit her wrists was he changing her into a vampire? But speaking of Lupita, I see what you did there with her name meaning moon. I really like that your stories use so much dialogue, this really helps you get a feel for what they are like. One thing that I might add is a little more description of how they are talking. For example, I kind of picture Adrian as being very charismatic and passionate so maybe just add some descriptions that would help convey his personality in his reactions to Lupita. GREAT JOB though and I look forward to your next story!!
The more I read of your Storybook, the more I like. You use so much dialogue that it is easy to read through quickly. By the end of the story, I ended up thinking that I had just started reading, it can’t be over already. There was something a little odd about Adrian taking in Lupita because of how similar she looks to Lissa. But it was odd in a good way. It’s hard to explain, but it made for a very interesting story. I was a little confused by a couple things. The first one was why the humans were referred to as wolves. It was an interesting note in the story, but I wanted to be able to understand the reasoning some more. I'm assuming that Lupita's name is a hint at the wolf thing? The second thing that confused me was the line, “his eyes glittered like the water that dripped along the walls.” Why was water dripping along the walls? Maybe I missed something there. Even with this though, your story was great. I’m really excited to read more of your Storybook and see how you will end it.
ReplyDeleteHi Lore! I read your introduction and the first story already. This week, I came back to read your second story because your storybook seemed very interesting when I first read it. I am happy I came back to read your second story.
ReplyDeleteGreat job on the details. It seemed like I was watching a movie as I was picturing what you wrote. I am a little sad to see Lissa go, but happy you added Lupita. I really like how you carried on from right where you left off in the first story. That was reflected by the scar on the prince, which was a great attention to detail. That detail really feel like it was the second part of the storybook. I did see few missing commas here and there, but I'm sure if you look over it one more time, you will fix them. Again, great job on the story! I will come back later to read the third whenever you add it.
I remembered visiting your storybook earlier in the semester. It was probably one of the first ones I think I visited. Your storybook was one that stood out to me even to this point because it was so unique. When I last checked in I am pretty sure you only had your introduction. What captivated me was the story of the vampire-human love affair. So that was the story I most looked forward when I returned! I really enjoyed your Vampire Prince story. It takes a twist on the classic forbidden love story. Adrian should have known what he was getting himself into when she told him that she hated vampires! More often than not, people are selfish in their actions and do what they want. Even though Adrian thought he was providing a wonderful life for them he disregarded her opinion. Great job! I can’t wait to see what else you come up with!
ReplyDeleteHi Lore,
ReplyDeleteRight off of the bat, your story (the Stolen Girl) was going to be dark. Not only in tone, but in the scene. Or at least that is the vibe that I got from it before I even found out that she was in a cage. I like the details about her fingers and her trying to pull out the nail. It’s kind of gross, but in a good way. It really helps build the scene without making everything vague. I think there was a typo. In the sentence “it made for a decent sized stale,” I think you meant stake. I really liked how you tied your stories together. It was also a really great plot twist to have Dia become a vampire. I was a little confused if the guard had tried to kill the other girl or not. But everything worked out awesomely! I hope this isn’t the last of your Storybook. I want to read more!
Hi Lore!!
ReplyDeleteI’m back again to read your latest story. I’ve just become so fascinated with your storybook. I love the idea that vampires rule the world, because in so many other retellings they are hidden away from society. I like that here vampires have their own royalty and are thriving! I really like your new character Dia. She’s probably my favorite because she has quite a bit of fight in her! Most other stolen girls probably just accept the fate of their inevitable deaths, but not this girl.
I’m really curious about your next story because I have no idea how this all going to be wrapped up. You are a really great storyteller and I’m excited to read the conclusion. Also, I love how your Author’s Notes are so interactive with the reader. I haven’t seen anyone else do their Author’s Notes like this and I think it’s really cool.
Hey, again Lauren! As you can see, I’m trying to get as much of my commenting and stuff out of the way, haha. Here are my thoughts as I read “The Vampire Prince.”
ReplyDelete• Ooo, what a great picture. Hello, cheekbones.
• “I’ve only seen her through the window” – creeper!
• “just a coward” Aw, sweetie. (I can’t believe you have me wrapped up in this character already.
• Why is he using the vines? Why not just use the door like a normal person-slash-vampire? Oh, yeah. Prince.
• Yeah, being rich sucks. I’d hate that, too.
• “pauper princess” – alliterations are the way to my heart, to be honest.
• He has horrible self-control if his fangs are going to slide out just from smelling her, goodness. But I guess since he’s 16, we can just handwave it.
• Goodness, this guy is a mess!
• That ending!
Wonderful work. I love how the red text on the black background adds an extra layer to everything.
Hi Lore! I came back to your storybook as one of my extra credit choice as I really liked your first two stories. I was happy that you added a third story as the first two were really intriguing.
ReplyDeleteThis story was really great as well. I like how you provided more details in this story. The way it was told made it seem like this was the best one out of the three. This was also due to the fact that there were different settings in the story. Dia had to do so many things to stay alive, but in the end she becomes a vampire. I didn't see that coming. I thought you did a great job in finishing this storybook. You tied up all the ends, and finished really nicely. All three stories flowed really nicely and you tied them up very beautifully. Again, great job! I don't know why, but my favorite is Lissa for some reason :)
Hi Lore. You are one of my appreciation posts for the week! You always leave very detailed comments on my posts and I appreciate that you put in that effort. The most important role of feedback is detailed criticism so that you can improve your writing. So thank you!
ReplyDeleteI also enjoy reading your stories. reading others work is one of the best ways to improve your own writing. Thanks for putting good stuff out there.
Hello Lore,
ReplyDeleteI was assigned your storybook this week and I immediately was excited about this project. Your layout is awesome!! When I think about vampires I immediately think about red and black sometimes even purple. It was great to see the red and the black as part of your layout. I think this really does a good job of setting the tone.
Today, I looked over your introduction/preface. Your introduction looks great and it is very enticing. It made me want to continue to read and find out what these stories were really about. I think this is the first time that I have come across an actual "preface". I really enjoyed the preface because it did some explaining about the characters and who they were and what they were like. I think this is really great because it gives the reader guidance. Your stories also look very interesting and I have now made note of this project and hopefully I can come back and visit and see how you chose to end it. Great project!
Okay so I read your story about the Vampire Prince and loved it! Your background being all black was amazing and the letters being all red set the tone. Here is the one bit I would suggest about it.
ReplyDeleteYou have a picture at the beginning and a picture in end. There is nothing in between though. I think if you added some more pictures it would give the story that finishing touch. I am an extremely visual person so images help me alot. They help me picture what is going on within the story so I can better understand situations. Without visuals, stories are not fun for me.
Great story though! That is all I have to say! Keep working hard and keep your writing style! If I didn't say anything about something its because it was really good! Until next time, keep writing! You are doing great in this class!
This really might be the best story book I have read all semester! You did such an amazing job at writing these stories, the dialogue was always perfect and spot on. I also really loved your choice for the topic. I was always really fascinated with ghosts and monsters as a kid and vampires were by far my favorite to read about. They were just so cool to me! Anyways, I also enjoyed the layout of the story itself. The pictures were really good and the layout of the story book made it feel much darker and like I was actually about to read a scary story. I also enjoyed the fact that the writing was red like blood. I can tell you put a lot of thought in to this story book and it shows just from reading the very first story. Even your author’s note for the first story was interesting to read!
ReplyDeleteHey Lore,
ReplyDeleteSo ever since Twilight came out when I was in middle school I think, I unfortunately have been interested in vampires and all those other creatures as I’m sure that many other people are. So with that being said it was really fun to read your story about them and kind of give a new spin to the take on vampires and humans and their relationships. Your stories were very easy to read and it made me really want to keep reading them. I also really enjoyed the layout and background/color scheme of your storybook. I think that visually it really adds to the overall theme of your stories.